A Message to Trump Voters: Part Two

Not so much a cabinet, more like a junk drawer

Trump’s 2024 cabinet picks read like a who’s who of die-hard loyalists, corporate icons, and right-wing fixtures—a veritable showcase of people whose loyalty runs deeper than their credentials. In other words, the administration is shaping up to be the ultimate “junk drawer” of familiar faces, each with a history of bending the knee and spinning the narrative.

Take Marco Rubio, the former critic who once had a few choice words for Trump. Now, he’s set to play Secretary of State, apparently rewarded for his heroic transformation from skeptic to devoted supporter. It’s like watching the ultimate season of Survivor, where redemption arcs get you cabinet positions.

Then there's the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), a name that still has "protection" in it—for now. Trump has picked Lee Zeldin, former New York congressman and faithful Trump apologist, to run the agency. Because if anyone can defend against ecological collapse, it’s the guy whose top qualification is his performance in Trump’s first impeachment trial.

In the international realm, Trump’s picks bring the same level of finesse. Mike Huckabee is on the ticket as Ambassador to Israel, a fitting role for someone who’s never held a diplomatic position. Meanwhile, Elise Stefanik, House GOP conference chair and fresh to the idea of diplomacy, is up for U.N. Ambassador. Because who needs foreign affairs experience when you have unwavering dedication to the boss?

And let’s not forget admitted dog killer Kristi Noem (RIP Cricket, you deserved better), chosen for Department of Homeland Security (DHS)—a natural choice given her skills in defending Trump. Former head of intelligence John Ratcliffe returns as CIA director, bringing us back to those comforting days when the nation's intelligence community danced to Trump’s beat.

On the defense side, who better than Fox & Friends’ Pete Hegseth? Sure, he’s got military experience, but his primary expertise is co-hosting weekend segments that flatter the former president.

Senior Staff is a similar grab bag of the predictable and provocative. Trump campaign manager Susie Wiles is Chief of Staff, and in a masterstroke of tech-bro irony, Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy are slated to lead the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Apparently, the game plan for streamlining government is classified under "works in progress."

For those nostalgic for Trump’s previous immigration policies, white nationalist Stephen Miller is set to tackle mass deportation as Deputy Chief of Staff. With Tom Homan back as “border czar,” enforcing “zero tolerance” with a new twist—promising to deport families together this time. A humanitarian move, no doubt.

This roster of appointees paints a clear picture: qualifications are optional, loyalty is mandatory, and if you’re committed to the Trump agenda, there’s a cabinet seat with your name on it. With a lineup like this, America is in for a thrilling ride, where government efficiency may just come down to how fast this team can unravel the system. Buckle up—it’s going to be a long four (or more) years.